Don’t ask to pick a brain.
This implies you will never return the favor.
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Business deals and relationships are about give and take.
The person who is always giving will complain they are broke, but forget that they never asked for the sale.
The root problem of this personality trait is people pleasing.
The person who is always taking will simply move on to the next target.
The root here is a person who wants to take credit for everything and blame others for things going wrong.
Why “pick your brain” lands wrong
It’s vague on scope, silent on reciprocity, and expensive in attention.
The ask sounds small, the cost isn’t.
If you’re the asker
- Lead with one question.
- Show pre-work: “I read X, tried Y, stuck at Z.”
- Put a clock on it.
- Offer a trade (money counts; so do intros, assets, or useful feedback).
- Make the exit easy: “OK if no—thanks either way.”
If you’re being asked
- Prefer a message, not a meeting “Send the question; I’ll respond in 3 bullets.”
- If it’s bigger than the ask implies, define a boundary or decline.
- Point to one resource if you’re a no—don’t ghost, don’t spiral.
Green signals
Clear question, clear stakes, clear give-back, time box.
Red signals
“Coffee?” with no context, “real quick” with a long backstory, requests for your playbook.
Bottom line
Advice is abundant. Attention isn’t.
Set terms that respect both. That’s how you borrow a brain without stealing one.